Bleh Bleh?

It's been two and a half years since I practiced chi-gong. I remembered just now why I don't. I push back all thoughts until I'm in a sedative state of mind and body and then everything floods back, the good and the bad. I see Frank's wise face and recall entire conversations in every detail. I remember what he and I spoke of and what I was thinking and feeling at that moment in time. I feel the chi that flows through my body and every muscle and temple aches. I sit unmoving focusing on the different pains and pulsations throughout my entire body. I was a goddess, but now a mere mortal. I gave it up in search of my desires. I will make Frank proud, for no other man has shared such knowledge and power with me. I eagerly await many things that will pass in the future, just as he had prophesied. I wait for a new era of life energy.

There is a deep sadness inside of me. Roots so far grown south that hell pulls them deeper into the crust. I forgive myself, I forgive myself. I forgive myself. The shadows are no comfort to me. Dancing in my mind, tormenting me further with their ridicule. Yes, I am alone. I can only save myself and any helping hand will inevitable be scorched adding to my pain. Even a slow death can be retraced back to health and bloom. I deify you and I will have my sanity back. I will, I will, I will. I set my goal amongst the fluffy lambs and my Shepard will guild me through hell.