Demon days revisited

Newsflash!!!! My childhood was traumatic.

Big whoop whoop. Wasn't everyone's? Saying that, I can't blame my therapists angle. I want answers, but I know the questions I ask have no logical frame. He recommend me a book for low self-esteem, I dunno although. I guess it could be the key. This ain't no light that's guiding me. What did he say? Fear, that's it, he said fear from losing someone sabotages everything. I am afraid of losing the ones I love. Clouds our vision, gets me asking negative questions which fuels the fire. It hard for me to disconnect from everything around me. I must stop this process in it's tracks. Is it ok to be confused about what I am confused about? I feel like I am losing the plot at times like these. I can't rely on someone to make me feel better, it has got to come from within.

I am battling myself. A war rages inside this cold exterior. Before there is peace, there must be war. One cannot exist without the other. Tough times indeed for me. I cannot parent my mother anymore. She must lead her own life. I must let go, or else I forsake my life for hers. Time to move on and focus on what makes me happy. Love. I have so much love to give but I am holding back from fear. Sometimes I am blinded from this. I am both the key and the lock. Is it true that true love heals all? Seems like a distant memory when my life was that simple. All we need is love, love, love. Nowadays its All we needs is love, constant reassurance, lots of patience, money, understanding, communication, hard work and a free mind.

Oh how I wish I never went and saw the world. I traded my innocence for a world full of knowledge and ugliness. Loving someone seems impossible if your heart is closed shut for monsoon season.