Outta here

I've always knew this day would come. The day I have my very own therapist. Hooray! If you ask me I'm overdue five years. Damn this guy must follow Froid a fair bit cause everything seems to stem from my parents. I have not doubt that they are the trigger. Same time what can you do right but understand your own actions. Which is pretty much what I've always been trying to do. But now the realization is coming a little quicker.

I can't believe the state I was in last week. It really is quite shameful. But I now admit, I need help. I'm not going to let my pride interfere with this, if it means I have the chance to heal broken wounds then I will do whatever it takes. I can't live on bursts of energy, I want some consistency in my life. Falling off the horse hurt much more than I anticipated. I guess I can't stop the motion but at least if I know I am shaky then I can throw some emotional cushions down. How can I better prepare myself for next time? Well, treat it as an experience, I'm still not strong enough to hold on the reins for long, acknowledge this. I don't know what comes next. But at least I know the first step. I am really going to try not to give up on myself.

I'm off to Spain Fuck It