Buns of steel

Ok, quick update here. It's week seven of university life and it's been a real rollercoaster. The best bits have been going to classes and opening a new gateway to spatial thinking. Meeting Adam and having horror film nights. Learning Tein Shan Pai and Shuai Jiao, kicking ass with class. Cooking and eating healthy foods everyday. Cleaning my room! Working part-time in sales in an electrical store. I quit smoking but on the thirteenth day I had one and then I saw my mother the next day and it fell apart. But I have chosen today to quit again. It's hard and not that hard...Just the big triggers get me...After a meal, stress, clubbing and most of all my mother. I'm pretty determined not to start again. I'm just sick of it and it costs too much. So every time I want a ciggy I'm bingeing on junk food. Which I kinda love and hate at the same time.

No serious downwards mood swings. I had a few minor ones, but it's been going ok. Being single has given me reasons to do ordinary things for myself and for nobody else. I take out the trash because it makes me happy. I exercise because I like what it does to me. So forth.

On the other hand, it still makes me long for my ex. Opening up a new thinking has given me the ability to think in pictures again. I remember what love felt like, I can use all my senses to recall every last detail. I feel the warmth of a kiss on my lips. I can't help but to close my eyes and meet those beautiful lips with my own. So slowly, like time never existed and there is nothing but bliss ahead. Guilt still prevents me from making a move to make amends. But that bridge has been burnt now anyway, so no point even thinking along those lines.

Trying to conjure up something deep and philosophical but I'm so damn tired.