Can't remember the last time i felt this messed up. A guy that could've been asks disillusioned if i was the friend that asked for his number at the climax. Is it my own fault for his misconceptions for my identity and then pay dearly for my own games. Not only have i lost a chance, but a key potential actor. Perhaps my logical friends are right, I never take a chance unless it involves my gain. Logic is the in house dealer in this game however much I hate the rules. It does sicken me, I once was that girl who everyone wished was the mysterious caller. I wanted to be the girl who knocked ever so politely on hos door and ask to come in. But no. I suppose I thought him more fucked up than I hoped. Is love on the cards, I wish it not for it only disillusions me. Then again, we would not be where we are today without the fucked up minority with the gift of the gap.

You see, nothing is as black and white as it seems. Even the black and white is purple. I don't need understanding, I crave acceptance. The yes nod at the end of a sentence, the look of curiosity and trust. Now I work diligently to-wards these. Always a carefully planned step to-wards a higher attestations.

I miss all my past lovers and friends, some more than others.

Oh it hurts

But then, I know I can live a life enriched without a man.

This give a scenario of a poor girl falling in love with a poor boy

Maybe I do need understanding after all.

Where oh where can I find such an influence to sway me?

My friends have left me in confusion

It is too late in most cases to correct these presumptions

But i am still comforted by the fact I need no one to survive.

survival of the fittest dictates breeding

I am neither surprised or effected by this

I get what I want, even if I must adjust my thoughts by this

This is how I think minus the blurb

I am not capable of love this moment of time, could alway change tomorrow and again and then the day after

I choose to be as unpredictable as a nun in a casino surrounded by depraved men

There is nothing more

stop reading

so why don't you stop

Just stop!