Hey sweetheart :)

Good to hear that you're keeping yourself occupied with Dan Brown. Angels and demons is a wicked book but yeah you do need the first part :P

Uni is going alright, just need to plan my days out today so I can have everything ready for the 8th of June. I'm self teaching myself 3d sketchup google at the moment. It's a slow progress but hopefully I will have something cool out of it.

As with work, I'm in every Tuesday and Thursday. But come the summer I will be working full-time to earn some $$ and have fun. I'm learning so many things about myself and business through work. The other field representative are really cool people who know how to work hard and play harder. Even after a long day, they still have social gatherings at bars, clubs and barbecues. It's cool, but it can get hard when you concentrate on the negatives and forget about the positives. That's why in my job, it's essential to be self-motivated and have a good attitude throughout the day. Not always easy smiling for 6-7 hours when you feel like crap. But I remind myself of the good. That I am offering something free to change , cheaper and nothing changes. I turn negatives around into something positive for a job. I get to meet some cool people, make people smile and make money. That's what goes through my mind.

I know things aren't easy for you at the moment. Your dealing with many new feelings being in NZ. Just remember why you are there. You are there to go into education, get the grades you deserve, to experience a new country and culture and to have fun. Don't get comfortable being lazy now that your not in school. You should be using this time to find out the syllabus for your GCSES in school. Brush up on anything your not sure about. Treat this seriously, you should use each day to it's full-potential. Being in NZ is a great opportunity and there is so much beauty in the world. Explore, try new things, and push yourself hard for the things in life you want.

You haven't tried until your head wants to burst and you have sweated, and cried. Once you reach this, you will want to give up on everything in your life. You will think "it's too much". Step away, and do something you like to take your mind away. It might be that you read, write, draw, go for a walk, play a game. But make sure that once you have enjoyed yourself and feel better you go back to the problem with more strength. Ignoring it or putting it off, will only make it worse in your mind. Tackle it head on. If there is nothing you can do about it...Don't worry about it.

I have wanted to give up so many times this year. Give up on mom, uni, work, friends. When I get this way nothing matters and all I want to do is hide and do nothing. Its easy to hide from your problems and create excuses for yourself for why you can't do something. It's not so easy admitting that you feel weak. I know your more stubborn than me a lot of times. Stubbornness is a brilliant thing to have if you apply it to work or school. You question why things have gone wrong and seek to fix it. But remember that you need fun in your life too but there is a time and place for it. Use it as a relief from the stresses in life. When you are at work, work comes first, when you are relaxing, that comes first.

Don't give up, re-evaluate and go back to it with a clear mind. Life doesn't have to be a mass confusion. Most people wander through life with no direction, just floating and get caught up in the rat-race. Show me one person who enjoys working 9-5. Never be afraid to be the best you can be. If you keep on being your best, then it WILL become natural for you. As I said, you haven't tried until you have been through blood, sweat and tears.

I love you baby, Please understand that the reason I want you to push yourself is for your benefit. Your in the deep end, but I'll never let you drown.

Is it better for a mother to coddle her child when they fall over and kiss the pain away. Or is it better to brush them off and send them to play again? What kind of people will each child grow up to be? Rewarding the child with affection when they are hurt will only promote that it is ok to fail and be weak. Whereas the second child is taught that it's no big deal to fall and to continue on having fun.

Whenever you need emotional or spiritual guidance, I'm here. Please use me. :) I like that I can help you through your development in life. I wish that I had a mentor when I was younger.