Whatever will be will be

I'M BAAACK

Be afraid, be very afraid

Well, what can I say, having a bit of a downer moment surprise surprise. Don't know why people put up with me. I know I drive people away. Just a defense mechanism when things get shitty. But I know I've got great friends on my side which is something still I find hard to believe sometimes.

I hate it when I become so wrapped up in my own world that I can no longer reach out to others feelings when they need me most. I feel so out of touch and desperately wish that I could just give the other person what they need to hear. Just so consumed with myself and my own worries unable to let anyone in. So what do I want to change to instead of this reflex action. I wish I could be re-written over again.

Routine has given me something I never had before. A sense of belonging and a task set to be tackled continuously. Even though the mornings are early and the day is long, time has never passed this fast before.

With my routine, I find myself thinking more and more about a lost love. Silly things remind me of him and he's not fading away but rather coming right back at me. It's torturous because I don't want to think about anyone. Maybe I'm getting lonely again. Whatever it is, I keep thinking about him and it's killing me. I've thought about when he comes back from Africa with all his stories and smiles. I admit, it keeps me happy.